"Don't you bring me down..today"

"Nice guys finish last.."

Is it? Really? I've been living by believing that quote for so many years; that good people will win in the end or perhaps it means that the truth will revealed in the end. I don't really know what's to believe anymore.

When somebody hurts you real bad, what are you gonna do? For me, I've always been the one who made peace or walked away, without saying or doing anything in revenge. Problems were mostly solved, but I feel like people are always gonna have more ability to bring me down, because I'm being this very nice and forgiving person.

Lately, I've been trying to do the otherwise. I'm so over being a good person - on certain situation, because what's the point? I always got mis-leaded or misunderstood anyway. So, besides just walking away from it all, I want those people (who hurt me) to feel my pain. I want them to suffer a bit. I'm not gonna kill them or anything, I just wanna give them a lesson.

But honestly, that doesn't do anything much to me at all, well perhaps just for a little while. Because that's not me, that's not who I am as a person. Of all people, I know that by doing those things, it doesn't make me a better person, but like I said earlier: I'm so tired of being a good person who always end up getting hurt.

Confused huh? Likewise.

Sometimes I wish I could put people in my shoes so they can see what kind of life that I've been living from an early childhood. I've been hurt so many times. It's not easy to be a good person after what I've gone through. Believe me!! But I've tried so far and I'm still trying. Maybe I'm just not at my strongest moment lately. Well, I'm only human after all.

So I guess I'd just have to stick on being this good person that I've always been. And maybe learn to let go. I think that's my main problem: Letting go. It's such a hard thing to do. Perhaps that's why I couldn't really get over anything, it's always in me; all the hurt and the pain, because I never really let it all go.

But I think I'm gonna be better, in fact..much better, in time.

Let's forget the enemies, there are more important things in life.

Well, it's almost dawn now, and the song I'm listening is almost over; right at the end when Christina's voice is almost shrinking and weak as she says: "don't you bring me down..today."

xoxo, Miss Ciccone