The Child in Me

When I was little, I used to think that when I reach this age that I am right now, I'd be successful, rich and making something worth proud of, very very worth proud of.

But, I was wrong, so wrong..

Life turned out to be one hell of a roller coaster ride for me; not always fun at all. I mean, of course I'm grateful and thankful for what I have right now, but at the same time also disappointed. I thought life was gonna get so much easier after finishing school or college, but reality bites, the real world is a scary, yet cruel place.

Growing up wasn't easy. Especially in a home filled with anger, yelling, affair, drama, divorce and everything else in between. I used to be so scared to go home. That's why I love to go out myself sometimes up until now, I just wanted to escape from it all and just wanted to stay in peace, all by myself.

Most of the time when I was little, when shit happened, I sit in the corner of my room beside my bed, crying. There, as I remember, I promised myself that I have to make it happen for myself, I have to make myself happy, I have to be responsible and take care of myself, I owe it to me; the child in me, she was never really happy, so I owe it to her, I have to make her happy.

Years have gone by, yet I still owe the child in me what she deserves..

I'm getting older, in fact so much older than I can take, but nothing has changed. I know I've been living until today always trying to learn and be a better person for myself and for everyone, and it worked at some point, but there's always this big hole inside of me that I can't fill. A hole of emptiness. And I still feel her pain, I can still see her face crying, she's waiting for the moment to come.

That's what I'm most disappointed at, nothing is happening to me..

As for now, I guess there aren't much thing I can do besides just keep on trying, perhaps even harder. I know there are still a lot of people who are less fortunate than me, I have to be really grateful for that. And someday I know for sure that my time will come; my time to shine. I should just keep looking forward instead of looking back to the past all the time.

I shall wait for that moment, and when that day comes, I can't wait to see her smiling face, it's been years since I last seen it.

"young girl don't cry..I'll be right here when your world starts to fall.."

xoxo, Miss Ciccone