Bitches Don't Just Happen, They're Made

"Bitches don't just happen, they're made."

Oh I just love that quote ever since I watched the season finale of Gossip Girl last night!! It's referring to Blair Waldorf, of course: My favorite cast on the show. Being a bitch doesn't always necessary means you're naughty or perhaps, skanky, but to me it means strong, powerful and in control. It's like, you know what you want and you work hard to get it. Another quote about being a bitch that I like is from my spiritual mom, Madonna: "Sometimes you have to be a bitch to get things done." I just love it cause it's so true, especially in this world dominated by men. But of course, you can't help but imagining some negative things when you think about the word "bitch." That's life; some positive, some negative - at some point. Let's leave it that way.

I guess I was never like any of which huh? All my life, I guess, I've been a good girl. Well, not goody-goody like Hillary Duff kind, but you know, I'm no Paris Hilton either. Perhaps I'm more Miley Cyrus? Oh, let's not go there!! Anyway, I guess I was always being more good than being bad. Or perhaps I was the type of person that only dreamed or wished of being bad once in awhile. You know, the kind that only thinks about it, but never really doing it. Yeah, I guess that's me. From 1-10, I think my rate of being bad (or nasty or bitchy or whatever you wanna call it) is 5. Or perhaps 6? Maybe 7,5 depends on what day it is, hehe.

On a second thought, I wanna be evil at times. Even though I know it's wrong and pointless and whatnot, but just being one for like a second, just to taste that glimpse of satisfaction, I think it's worth of something. I didn't say that something is always a good thing, OK?

Perhaps by being so, I can get what I really want. Or perhaps I can end this seemingly long-life of me being single if I'm being a slutty bitch. I mean, guys dig bad girls right? OK, again I'm talking as if I don't know which one is right or wrong. But that's the point!! I wanna play stupid and clueless but bitchy at the same time!! Oh, I hope my dear late grandma is proud of me right now for saying this.

I guess that's the problem: It's about time for me to find someone!! I still can't believe I'm saying this, I mean, it's me, hello?! Where did that 'afraid of commitment freak' go? Well, she's still here, only wiser and older. Just about a decade late to realize that she needed someone.

But where to look? I'm confused. I mean, I'm always around guys; like last Saturday night I went out with Alvin, Pepi, Nedy, Mardjo, Mamby, Andre, Leo and Fajar to Cork&Screw and was having some fine wine. I felt like a princess surrounded by her..emm, knights? I love that. But these are my friends, none of 'em are my boyfriends, so what's the point? I need someone to rely besides friends. Or should I start dating one of 'em? Ugh..I guess Mayumi was right; I am desperate!!

I really don't know where this is going actually, pardon me, I'm just sleepy..

Guess I am playing stupid all along, I know I'm a bitch and I'm proud to be one.

xoxo, Miss Ciccone